Finding a purpose of life

I honestly envy people who already know in the high school or in their early ages what they want to do with their lives or who they want to become. I thought I knew what I wanted to do after graduating high school until some people said to me some influential words and as a result my life has become a complete hell.

After high school graduation I knew that I would like to study in the university, preferably abroad. By that time I haven’t been abroad much, just in three countries….which are our neighbor countries….”big deal”.
So, I somehow found an interesting course in a vocational college in Germany and moved straight away to Germany. Since, I was too young (19 back then), I became quickly very homesick. I felt lonely in Germany, didn’t have any friends there, my German college mates weren’t eager to hang out with me outside of the college. I also felt an extreme guilt and shame because my mother was supporting me financially while I tried to study and live in Germany.
Eventually, I decided to find a part-time job for the weekends. Unfortunately, I didn’t find anything, because if you want to get a simple job in Germany, you’re supposed to go to the place and ask for a job position. You know that I have communication issues, I prefer to do everything online and in written. In my country we always apply for the jobs online. Rarely goes anyone to the location to ask for a job, it’s just not a part of our culture.

After living 7 months in Germany, I decided to quit the college and move back to my home country.

Being at home for 2 weeks I immediately found a well-paid job as a technical support agent. You might be wondering “But this job involves communicating with the customers”. Indeed, but not verbally. I was communicating to them via e-mails, there were no calls, until supervisors and managers decided to open a phone line. After that I quit my job, because I knew that I’m not a confident speaker especially when it comes to upset customers that blame you in representing faulty devices…although some customers were happy with our products and services…depends on a person.

Meanwhile I was applying for another course at the university in my country. I applied for German language & culture course and biology course. I got in into both and had to decide what am I going to study. While I was still undecided, I got sick with a fever and went to see my doctor. When I was waiting in the hospital queue I met there my high school biology teacher. We had a little chat, I told her that I applied for German language and biology, and haven’t decided anything yet. She didn’t seem to be very optimistic about my choices and told me that these subjects are kind of useless. According to her I could have only a teacher profession.
I got little bit frustrated hearing this because I thought I could have more chances than just a teacher. Now I know that I shouldn’t have listened to that bitter person and be more optimistic and happier that I got into university.

I’ll continue this story tomorrow, as this post is getting very long and I don’t think people feel like reading long stories nowadays.

Just to sum up my point, after making so many mistakes and taking wrong advises from others, I’ve realized how vulnerable and weak I’ve become. I analyze my past every day, think why my mother cannot be more tolerant towards my decisions, why I can’t grow a thicker skin and accept negative criticism. Somehow others are copying with every day life, why can’t I?

By the way I’ve noticed that I have a couple of visitors…I appreciate your time and attention very much.

I’ll see you tomorrow.

3 thoughts on “Finding a purpose of life

  1. I hope and pray all the best for you in your academic pursuits. I personally know how frustrating it can be to decide on which direction to go in life. Here I am already 48-years-old and I am set on going back to school (yet again) to pursue yet another degree! God help me! Anyway, what is your home country? All the best to you!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I wish you the best of luck with your degree journey. 🙂
      However, I’ve realized that studying in the university is not for me at this point. Perhaps I’ll change my views on that one day…
      I’m coming from Estonia, really small Eastern European country up in the north. People and life here are miserable, this is also another factor that affects me a lot.

      Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s