First, I’d like to apologize for not being active on my blog. I simply didn’t know how to put my chaotic thoughts into words. As usually I was thinking a lot about my life, what to do next and how to cope with my present life situation.

I’d like to discuss a very hot topic which is self-esteem. Pretty much everything we do depends in vast majority on our self-esteem – how confident we are whenever we do our jobs, go on dates, market ourselves at job interview, do a presentation or give a speech in front of a large audience. I’ve noticed that you don’t really have to have all these kick ass degrees in order to succeed in the world. All you have to have is a confidence aka high self-esteem.

How do you become more confident?
I can say that I’ve been both very unconfident about my educational journey and body image. I used to be slightly bigger but never overweight. Even extra few pounds made me feel already insecure. I never felt great in my body – clothes were too tight, I was breathing heavily when I took the stairs, always got sweaty when I was simply walking etc. Then I started to workout more and tried to eat healthier. As a result I’ve lost 13 kilograms, which is a huge relief. Now, I feel much better in my body, no extra sweating, clothes are fitting well and I also look much better than I was heavier. Weight-loss has definitely boosted my self-esteem. However, it didn’t help me with my communication skills and didn’t lose my fear for people.

I guess my second question would be how do you become comfortable talking to people?
You know, tonight I wanted to go on a French language cafe meetup. It’s an event where French speaking people gather around to either help others to speak french or less skilled people practice their French. I belong to the “less skilled” group of people and I really wanted to go and practice, but I didn’t go. I was afraid that I would be just sitting there being quiet and not saying anything. Also, I wouldn’t have liked to talk about myself (in case someone asked there) and didn’t feel like not telling a truth. My damn fear holds me back from so many possibilities and time goes by so fast that soon I’ll be just an old grumpy freak.

So hard…

When people meet me for the first time, they can see straight away that I have a very low self-esteem. What annoys me the most is the question “Why do you have such a low self-esteem? You’re young, pretty, speak many languages, have traveled a lot…it doesn’t make sense.” I usually don’t respond these types of questions because it’s impossible to sum it up. Normally I’d simply say “I don’t know”.

So that’s how much I was able to express myself today…

I’ll see if something comes out tomorrow…hopefully.





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