I think that my social anxiety has a lot to do with the fear of unknown or something unexpected.
On Thursday I applied for a job of a housekeeper (it’s the best job in my opinion, doesn’t involve with dealing peoples’ emotions). As I’ve mentioned previously, I’ve asked on my CV application to contact me via e-mail. Why would an employer call a “housekeeper candidate”, if she literally asked to contact her by e-mail. Besides, housekeeping is not about communicating to the customers, it’s about keeping their rooms cleaning.
Anyway, I got a call from them on Friday three times, however, I didn’t pick up their calls because I was afraid of the caller’s voice. In the past, when I was applying for the jobs I’ve received not so nice calls from the employers whose voices were kind of pissed off or didn’t sound quite friendly. Since then, I hate picking up any phone calls.
And that I would call a fear of unknown, because how am I supposed to know in what mood the caller is and how she/he is going to talk to me. This is why how I fight my fear by just ignoring callers. Yet again, I’m the one who suffers because I won’t get any job, if people keep calling me and I keep ignoring them.
I was very mad at myself that I couldn’t answer the phone calls on Friday. Also, I was sad that people don’t respect my request.
I feel that my fears are taking over my powers of controlling myself and they are damaging me every day. Why do people have to be such scary creatures. Sometimes I wish we didn’t have any emotions, I think I would have the guts to take control of my life.
These are my messy thoughts for today.