Emptiness

Lately I’ve been feeling sad and numb, I guess it’s caused due to the gloomy and rainy weather. I barely see any daylight because I work from 8.30 am until 4.30 pm. It starts to darken here around 6 pm, so I pretty much live in the darkness. Also, I don’t remember the last time I saw sunlight…probably in the beginning of September. Let’s not forget, it’s going to be even worse – we will have only 3-4 hours of daylight starting from the end of November until mid February.

Living in Northern Europe in the winter is already a huge challenge to survive. Tourists that travel to these areas during dark periods of the year, wonder why people up here aren’t warm, welcoming and look grumpy. It’s not a science to guess why we are like this – it’s the depressing weather which is most of the time rainy, windy and snowy. In matter of fact, I love winter (but proper winter with crystal clear white snow, frosty and ice-cold) because on such days we get clear blue sky and lots of sunlight. However, these days are a rare phenomenon. The reason I’m writing about our miserable weather is because it deepens even more my depression. I’m that much depressed that I don’t feel anything anymore, I’m simply empty inside and feeling numb. Nothing brings me joy, not even yoga. I practice it only because I’m already used to it (it’s like brushing teeth) but it doesn’t make me do back flips from overwhelming happiness. I don’t know what could I want from life, what goals should I have. What currently still excites me is the thought of an interview day for a flight attendant position. I’m not sure where will I get positive mind for this day.

Some of you might think perhaps I’m lacking of some of the vitamins, which I’m sure I am. However, my diet (wouldn’t really call it a diet, because I don’t have to look after my weight), let’s call it my “eating habits” are pretty healthy. It’s very diverse, I make sure I get plenty of vitamins, fatty acids and other macro nutrients. Even vitamin D enriched foods don’t help me with my depression. I also drink water with extra calcium, potassium, magnesium and zinc + vitamin D3 powder which should pretty much keep me happy or less depressed and provide me with healthy bones, skin and hair. Perhaps my depression was that strong that this powder isn’t able to make me extremely happy but at least it minimized my depression and made me numb…?

If some of you have any suggestions on how to deal with the depression during the dark period (aka seasonal affective disorder) of the year or you simply want to share your experiences, I’ll gladly take your advises.

Thank you.

Bye!

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